SAP Happens: Tales from the Trenches (And Why Everyone Loves to Hate It)

Welcome back, you brave souls of the IT crowd, sysadmins, hackerspace veterans, and the demo scene lurkers! In this post, we’re diving into the depths of enterprise resource planning hell, otherwise known as SAP. Grab your cup of whatever gets you through the workday (or night), sit back, and prepare for a journey through horror stories, nostalgia, and some honest confessions about the world’s favorite love-to-hate business platform.

“If you want dual butt-cheek heating, you put SAP on your IBM system.”

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An Introduction to SAP Lore

If there’s one thing that unites Windows sysadmins, Unix veterans, InfoSec folks, Linux nerds, and demo scene old-timers, it’s this:

Everybody dislikes SAP.

Seriously. There’s something strangely comforting about a product so universally notorious that even people who agree on literally nothing else can bond over their shared SAP-induced trauma.

Welcome to another episode of IT Horror Stories with Jack Smith (and, as guest, Joe), where we dig deep into the haunted halls of business software no one loves (except maybe the folks cashing the invoices).

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What Even Is SAP? The Elevator Pitch

SAP is one of those things everyone in tech has heard of, but few can explain—at least not without sighing, rolling their eyes, or reaching for a support beverage.

So, for those not in the know:

• SAP started in 1971.
• Born from five IBM employees.
• Their vision: Move away from every company writing custom code for their accounting, logistics, and business needs, and instead create a standard solution.

The name SAP stands for Systeme, Anwendungen und Produkte in der Datenverarbeitung (Systems, Applications, and Products in Data Processing). Try saying that five times fast at your next coffee break.

It was a time of mainframes, punch cards, and suit-wearing engineers, and, naturally, the IBM alumni behind SAP designed it in a way only Big Blue could appreciate.

Why Did SAP Take Off?

SAP promised large companies a unified back office—a single system for all their data and workflow:

• No more disparate, siloed applications.
• A single source of financial, operational, and HR truth.

And the catch? Well, you pay dearly for that “truth.” Your racks fill up, your support costs multiply—and pretty soon, you’ve got the SAP hand on your wallet, and you’re glad both butt-cheeks are warm from the cost.

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Who Actually Uses SAP (And Why)?

The Big Boys Club

The joke goes:

“You want to be one of the big guys? Buy SAP.”

In reality, SAP caters primarily to big enterprises—think utilities, multinational conglomerates, global supply chains, and those with compliance budgets bigger than most countries’ GDP.

Here’s how the scale breaks down:

• Mom & Pop shops: Excel, maybe QuickBooks.
• Small-to-medium business (SMB): Online cloud platforms, some light Microsoft solutions.
• Mid-market (300-500 people): Dynamics (aka Navision, or whatever name Microsoft is using this week).
• Large enterprises: SAP is the default, whether you like it or not.

Sure, utility companies and mega-corps love SAP, if only because it gives them “big car energy” (“I drive a Rolls-Royce, not a Deux Chevaux.”). It’s as much about showing off as it is about operations.

But why? Often, it’s not just capability—it’s reputation, peer pressure, and the fact that “no one ever got fired for buying SAP.” Until you try to migrate it, that is.

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The SAP Life Cycle: From Mainframes to the Cloud

Old & Busted: On-Prem (ECC 6.0, AS400 Vibes)

The classic SAP setup? Think huge, ugly racks in a data center, running what feels like a hybrid between mainframe UI and a 1980s IBM terminal.

RPG lovers, anyone?

“The old system gives you AS400 vibes—you enter this code, that code, press Ctrl-Shift-F17 to continue, and pray.”

Not only did you need to know SAP’s world of transaction codes, but customizing anything meant weeks of learning arcane languages, hacking green screens, and copy-pasting codes from binders older than you.

New Hotness: S4/HANA and Cloud Lock-In

The future is cloud and subscription-based.

• Migration madness: Old SAP is being decommissioned by 2028, so “migration fever” has broken out everywhere. Everyone is scrambling to get off their ancient racks and move to S4/HANA (hybrid/cloud).
• No more owning your hardware: Forget those seven racks. Now, your data lives in SAP’s cloud, and they’re not shy about the lock-in. You get a “nice invoice” every month, just for using the platform.
• Customization clampdown: In the old days, over 80% of SAP setups were customized (a recipe for chaos when it’s upgrade time). Now, customization is limited by design; step too far from the “core” and you void your license.

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The Anatomy of a Migration Horror Story

Decision Phase: All For One, One For All

Say you’re a giant company running a spaghetti bowl of platform systems: Microsoft Dynamics, Infor, a bunch of weird homegrown ERP messes, and maybe, just maybe, some Lotus 1-2-3.

Management’s brilliant idea?

“Let’s migrate it all to S4HANA! Think of the cost savings! One ERP to rule them all!”

What’s the reality? Well, you’ll need your own Gandalf (or Joe), an army of consultants, and nerves of steel.

The Wall

You show up on Day 1. They tell you, “Don’t worry, AS400 Guy will be here after lunch,” and the room decor doesn’t lie: the more yellowed post‐its and cryptic sticky notes, the older and more brittle the codebase.

“Don’t touch the AS400, or you will break everything,” says the soon-to-retire admin. “I wrote 20,000 lines of code here back in the day. No, there’s no documentation. Why do you ask?”

The Sidecar Approach

How do you even start? You set up the “sidecar pattern”:

1. Keep the ECC 6.0 running (old SAP).
2. Stand up a new, empty S4/HANA instance in the cloud.
3. Bit by bit, module by module (e.g., accounting, then inventory), you migrate.
4. Throughout, the live system is still being used and changed—so you play eternal catch-up, decommissioning old modules as new ones go live.
5. Users end up running two clients for months: “It’s okay, we have enough Citrix servers… right?”

Unspeakable Complexity & Cost

Projects like these aren’t for the faint of heart:

• 60 person teams (yes, six-zero)
• Budgets like €150 million (and that’s not even considered “huge” in SAP world)
• Average projects? €30 million and up

You don’t just “copy-paste the files over.” You realign fields, indexes, and hunt down ancient business logic—if you’re lucky.

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SAP Customization: The Gift That Keeps Costing

SAP’s greatest feature (and curse) is how much you can tweak it. At least, you could.

• In the past, systems were highly customized (80% and beyond).
• Now, S4/HANA pushes you to stay “close to the core”—if you want to keep your license, that is. You can still hire SAP or a Big Five consulting firm to do the fancy stuff, but say goodbye to tweaking what’s really under the hood.

Of course, the harder it is to customize, the more you pay—so consultants everywhere are resting easy at night.

“You start customizing, and that’s where SAP has you by the… well, you know.”

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E-Invoicing, AI, and Other Modern SAP Shenanigans

SAP always wants to stay “ahead,” or at least look like it. Enter the age of e-invoicing and, of course, the modern curse word: Artificial Intelligence.

SAP will claim:

• You need to migrate to the new system because only S4/HANA handles e-invoicing seamlessly.
• “There’s AI (but we won’t mention it here).” Spoiler: You’ll only see the reality after you start paying.
• There’s a lot more “drag and drop”—goodbye to green screens, hello to web clients (but not too much drag and drop… don’t get greedy).

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Epic Fails, Expensive Surprises & Real-World Chaos

SAP migration is never a walk in the park, no matter what the consultants say.

Key Facts from the Field:

• AS400 admin is always weeks away from retirement.
• Legacy systems are a hidden minefield. Due diligence is rarely done. You’ll find:
  • Lotus 1-2-3 tracking barrels at a warehouse
  • Access 95 databases running logistics
  • Random apps connecting via spit, sweat, and accounts nobody remembers (“even below duct tape and bubblegum”)
• Everything is more complex and expensive than forecasted.
• Live systems never stop changing during migration.

Blockquote

“Some systems are connected to SAP with spit and sweat—below duct tape and bubblegum. Don’t touch it, because it works now.”

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The Curious Things Found During Migration

Ever stumbled into a back room and found a Windows 3.1 PC humming away happily, still in production? Old IT systems are like archaeological digs:

• Lotus 1-2-3 on DOS is normal in companies that ought to know better.
• “We’ve always done it this way” and “it just works” are the twin pillars holding up 30-year-old business processes.
• Air-gapped systems move data via sneakernet (floppy disks carried by human feet).

If you think technical debt is new, you haven’t worked through a real SAP migration.

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Cutting Edge or Just Cutting You? Digital Twins, Drones & Dog Robots

Not everything SAP does is ancient—on paper, at least.

• Digital Twin: Walk around a ship with Google Glass, look at an engine, and the 3D exploded view pops up, powered by the SAP database. Tap on the broken valve, and a purchase order for a new one is created on the spot.
• Drones fly around construction sites, scanning for types of windows, doors, and building parts to instantly create a parts structure.
• Robot dogs (yes, the Boston Dynamics kind!) replace night shift humans to read gauges, scan equipment, and summon help if anything’s out of order.

That’s the sizzle. But the steak? Most companies just use SAP for accounting and inventory, then run back to Excel for everything else.

“You buy a Ferrari, but use it like a Volkswagen Beetle.”

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The Black Box, The SAP Floor, and The Myth of Escape

SAP feels like a black box for most people:

• Only the SAP team knows what happens up on the 17th floor.
• For everyone else, you use a barcode scanner or a web client, and data disappears into the abyss.
• Exiting SAP? For large companies, it’s… literally impossible.

“Who leaves SAP? Once you’re in, you’re stuck. Small companies can escape. Multinationals? Never.”

SAP was always client-server, mainframe-born:

• The client connects directly to the database—no real middleware.
• All the business logic (and pain) is embedded in clients.
• Analytics? Embedded too (except now, everything gets exported to Power BI anyway).

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Alternatives: Are They Any Better?

SAP isn’t the only game in town. There’s:

• Microsoft Dynamics: More flexible for medium companies or niches—think trucks, construction, small logistics, etc.
• Oracle: Yes, they have an ERP too (Business One? Maybe.)
• …whatever else comes along: Niche products built on Dynamics or other platforms.

But for the true giants, nobody just switches out SAP for something else on a whim. If you’re going to migrate away, you need two years (at least) and a very thick wallet.

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Surviving The Next Migration

1. Do real due diligence.
   • Profile your custom code: Look for “Z transactions” (custom SAP modules).
   • Map everything connected to SAP: Every API, every weird homegrown app.
   • Inventory your technical debt: Access databases, Lotus files, slapdash “middleware” (if it can be called that).
2. Plan for double the budget, and double the time.
   • Migration teams easily hit 60+ people for real projects.
   • Even a straightforward project can reach €30-150 million.
3. Prepare for life in between worlds.
   • Users run two SAP clients for months (or years).
   • Citrix servers multiply like rabbits.
   • Consultants and SAP itself will happily help—for a fee (“white glove” service is available, but you might need to mortgage your building).
4. Beware of subscription roulette.
   • Perpetual licenses are gone; SAP now bills monthly.
   • Welcome to cloud lock-in, complete with cheerful support calls and invoices.

“For every euro or dollar you spend, you need to pump in two more to get it running and keep it running.”

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Closing Thoughts (and Support Us!)

Look, SAP does what it says on the tin (usually), but it’s never simple and rarely fun. Whether you’re managing a mega-enterprise, or just inheriting some old mess, the best you can do is stay prepared, avoid customizing more than you absolutely have to, and remember: yes, everyone else is struggling too.

Thanks for reading. Until the next episode—keep your backups current, your dependencies patched, and watch that licensing clause.

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Frequently Spotted SAP Migration Pitfalls

• “It’s just a database move, right?” (False. Nothing is just anything in SAP).
• “The consultants will handle it.” (They will—on a time and materials basis).
• “We have all our processes documented, don’t we?” (No, you don’t).
• “The new platform will do everything.” (Except that one thing everyone needs).

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