How (Not) To Install A 5G Antenna For An Internet Backup Line
Installing a 5G antenna on a rooftop in downtown Paris sounds simple enough – until reality sets in.
In this episode, we walk thru the saga of a project that required not one, not two, but multiple site visits before the antenna finally worked as expected. Permits, building access, scheduling delays, unexpected power requirements – each visit brought a new twist, each delay a new story.
Was it bureaucracy? Weather? Or just the uniquely French way of doing things?
Join us on the rooftops of Paris for a tale of project planning, technical hurdles, and cultural aspects that turns a routine install into a mini-series of its own.
Listen now on Apple Music, Spotify, Deezer, Youtube or where-ever you get your panic attacks.
Paris Rooftops, IT Misery, and the Eternal Quest for Brackets: Jack Smith EP5
Welcome, friends, to another round atop the wild, windy rooftops of Paris! If you ever thought network projects, backup lines, and the unpredictable chaos of building management were dull, you’re about to get a reality check (and a few laughs). This post dives deep into Jack Smith Episode 5 – “Paris Rooftops,” taking you through every hiccup, bracket mishap, and the classic IT cliche where the cleaning service unplugs your failover line.
So grab a coffee (or maybe a croissant), and join us for a tech adventure that’s as much about life as it is about networks.
Bonjour! A Parisian Introduction
Welcome back, everyone! Jack Smith and Bob (with his ever-important return) kick off this journey with greetings in French and English, a few laughs about chaos-loving sales teams, and the big reveal: We’re headed to Paris, and this story promises mayhem from the start.
“Allez vous francais, Monsieur Bob. Absolute fantastic. We are going to Paris. Oh, Paris. This deserves an ooh la la.”
Their banter sets the tone for a casual, story-rich session, full of inside jokes and friendly teasing. The conversation is designed not for technical elite, but for anyone – techies, managers, or just curious folks who like a good story.
The Mission: Backup Internet for a New Paris Office
Several years ago, Jack is tasked with a seemingly straightforward mission: Set up high-availability Internet for a shiny, new head office in Paris. The client is impressed by Jack’s French, but the assignment is shrouded in vagueness.
Requirements:
- No network downtime allowed.
- Office for 200 people.
- Two fiber paths (not fully segregated).
- 5G backup on the roof.
Simple, right? Not quite.
“If I would only have known that. Indeed the omen was significant. That was a thing.”
Getting to Paris: Optimism vs. Geography
It starts with logistics. The UK-based 5G company is scheduled for a noon appointment in Paris. Except… their guy only leaves London at 9AM.
Optimistic Timeframes Meet French Reality
- London to Dover/Folkestone: ~2 hours
- Channel train to Calais: Another stretch
- Calais to Central Paris: This is not a gentle ride. At least 1.5 – 2 hours, especially when the office overlooks the river near the Ile de Paris, in one of the prestigious low-number arrondissements.
And so, they wait… and wait… until the antenna man strolls in three or four hours late.
Two Fibers in One Duct? Parisian City Limits
Paris isn’t London – city renovations and quirks mean that both fiber lines run together for the last 500 meters. Not ideal for backup. But hey, it’s Paris, ducts fill up fast.
“There was no full path segregation, I think for the last 500 meters. Because it’s Paris and there are limitations on which ducts under the streets are still open and could be used.”
So, they add 5G as a third connection.
5G to the Rescue: Rooftop Antenna Adventures
The 5G contractor comes in with all the gear: antennas, SIM cards, modem, and promising speeds.
Initial test results:
- 70–80 Mbps: Up and down, more than enough for basic office functions.
The plan is to put everything on the roof (as you do in big cities), but right away, the hotel occupying the top floors blocks roof access. No running cables unless you want to annoy the hotel.
Building Management and the Hotel Roadblock
Building management drama enters: the floors above have become a hotel, and they’re strict on access.
“The roof access which we had was no longer there as the floors above us were suddenly rented out to become a hotel.”
So, Jack and team pivot to the building next door. It’s only eight floors high (versus the original twelve to fifteen), but the interconnected basements are the answer. All the basements in the block link together, a product of years of renovations.
Cross-Basement Fiber Shenanigans
A crafty solution: Fiber will route through the neighboring basement. Building owners agree – for a few thousand euros, naturally – and the team moves forward.
- Fiber cabinet in basement ✔️
- Local contractor for roof work ✔️
Jack describes climbing ten floors onto a Paris rooftop, surrounded by views of the Eiffel Tower and Montmartre. The building owners even dreamed of a rooftop garden – denied by the fire department (drunk people + no barricades… you get the picture).
Installing Antennas: Brackets, Lug Nuts, Clamps, and More
This is where things go from regular frustrating to almost slapstick:
- First Visit: No clamps to attach antenna brackets (no drilling allowed), so everything goes back in the box.
- Second Visit (Two weeks later): Brackets this time, but no lug nuts. Modem works, but antennas don’t stay up.
- Third Visit (Another two weeks): Screws and nuts arrive, but only one bracket for two antennas. “Let’s put both on one bracket!” IT radio engineers would scream… It’s a no-go. Antennas need at least 50cm separation to avoid interference.
“You’re not supposed to put those two antennas next to each other because they will effectively cancel each other out. Yeah… No, it’s not. We will not accept this.”
They ring up the telco: Nope, you need at least 50cm between. So, another two weeks.
Fourth Visit: All brackets and lug nuts finally present! But only enough bolts for one bracket. So, they quietly secure with two bolts instead of four… “How about we just do it with two and don’t tell anyone?”
The result: Antennas up, modem running, solid 80–90 Mbps speeds – but the saga didn’t end here.
Power Outages: The Cleaning Service Strikes
Time for classic IT mishaps! Every Friday morning, the backup (third) line went down for two hours, without fail.
Why? The cleaning service needed to plug in their machines, so they opened the network cabinet, unplugged the modem or switch, ran their cleaning gear, and then plugged it back in.
“Think of every it cliche that you can think of. And it’s that one.”
At least, the network always returned after the cleaning service finished. But it’s the ongoing pain of IT everywhere.
Mailman Codes and Parisian Life
After so many trips, Jack and the team blended into Parisian building culture. In Paris, mailboxes live behind locked outside doors. Delivery codes are shared between buildings, but not the general public… unless you’re there so often the staff gives you the “mailman coat.”
“They were so tired of waving us in with the button that they gave us the mailman coat.”
If Jack needs access to a building in Paris ever again, he’s got the code. Paris, we salute you.
Bureaucracy, Power, and Solar Panels: A French Tale
After getting the 5G running, building management balks at giving power for free. From an administrative perspective, understandable – but highly annoying.
How do you get a tiny 40-watt power supply to the modem on the roof? Contact EDF (Électricité de France) for a new connection, wait 4–5 weeks for sales, three months for installation, and six to nine months until you might have power.
What about a solar panel and battery? Not considered, and besides, the higher neighboring building would block the sun.
The solution offered:
- Use a small kilowatt meter, bill yearly? Yes, if you pay €5,000 for installation.
- Wait half a year for standard electricity connection? Also an option.
“Business case. €5,000 and have power. Or wait six months for the power company to hook this up.”
Either way, bureaucracy wins, and the modem is officially powered (and billed).
PTSD from SNCF Jingles and Other Flashbacks
After countless journeys to Paris, Jack develops a new form of PTSD: the SNCF station jingle. Imagine waiting for a delayed train after another day wrangling brackets and lug nuts atop a windy rooftop, hearing the same tinny eight-kilobit MP3 loop since 1972. It haunts him to this day.
Just as soldiers flinch at sudden noises, Jack now flinches at SNCF jingles.
“Every time I now hear this jingle, the PTSD throws me completely back on the rooftops, talking to Smurfs about. Did you bring the brackets? Did you bring the lug nuts? Did you put the antennas in the correct place? Did somebody unplug the intermediate switch?”
Musical Trauma: Springtime, Christmas Songs, and Office Radios
Bob shares his own “aural trauma” – getting woken up during school ski trips by teachers blasting Vivaldi’s “Spring” to rouse 40 students in military style. To this day, that music triggers flashbacks.
Both recount how hearing ubiquitous Christmas jingles (like “Last Christmas” or Mariah Carey) at work is enough to make any IT pro long for the silence of being a hermit in December. Radios in offices now guarantee annual exposure to these musical nemeses.
“Be a hermit in December. Yeah. Oh, that’s so annoying… one of the first songs that I heard when I entered the office was that, followed by Mariah Carey’s song.”
French Music, German Christmas Albums, and Rooftop Dreams
From French dubs of Christmas hits to dream/nightmare scenarios of playing Johnny Hallyday or David Hasselhoff German Christmas albums on Paris rooftops, the banter gets surreal.
Jack and Bob invite listeners to share links or stories about weird regional Christmas tracks – but please, no wedding tunes!
“I want to blare it off the rooftops in Paris holding two 5G antennas on the proper brackets. I’m wondering if they. If they have a German version with… Hasselhoff.”
The Final Stretch: Three Months to Go Live
Total project time: About three months.
In those months, Jack learned more about brackets, lug nuts, and French building management than anyone should. He made PowerPoint slides on installing antennas and discovered firsthand that every IT cliche is true (especially about cleaning staff and unplugged equipment).
Checklist of Lessons Learned
- Always bring extra hardware: Brackets, nuts, and bolts are never guaranteed.
- Plan for bureaucracy: Power, building management, and neighbors will slow things down.
- Expect the unexpected: Cleaning crews, delayed contractors, and city quirks always pop up.
- Penalty clauses matter: If you need a deadline hit, include a financial penalty in the contract, even if it increases costs.
- Do more yourself: On later projects, Jack took more control of hardware and installations.
“The only way to keep a timeline is to have a penalty clause in there.”
Final Thoughts and Listener Warnings
Jack and Bob wrap up their misery atop Paris rooftops, reflecting on frustration, learning, and that bittersweet sense of accomplishment when, after months of chaos, the network finally works (until Friday’s cleaning crew arrives).
Some Key Takeaways
- Subcontractors: No matter how good your contractors, always verify and plan for their mistakes.
- Building Ownership vs. Renting: If you own the building, things get much easier (drill where you want, less bureaucracy).
- Management Decisions: If hitting a deadline is crucial, pay a little more for real accountability.
“I’ve been frustrated at both sides, both in the execution phase and in the budget phase that I want to do it, but I just… You don’t have the budget for it, so it’s frustrating all around.”
This content is meant for entertainment and to humorously poke fun at situations (not individuals). Listener discretion advised.
The Wrap-Up: IT Chaos, Paris, and Lessons for Life
From first client meeting to last failed bracket install, the Paris story is a whirlwind education in network disaster, bureaucracy, and laughter. Jack and Bob’s conversation is a reminder that behind every dull IT deployment are real people making it work, one bracket (and one cleaning service mishap) at a time.
If you’ve got your own story about rooftop installations, unforgettable musical trauma, or IT cliches, share them! Help make the next Christmas special even more memorable (just skip the wedding songs, please).
Bonus: Quick Reference – Paris Rooftop Deployment Tips
Need to set up a backup line in a city where every basement links to the hotel next door, where you never have enough brackets, and nobody wants to give you power for free? Here’s a checklist:
- Bring extra brackets, lug nuts, and clamps.
- Review building management agreements.
- Always plan for someone unplugging your network gear.
- Schedule backup visits for forgotten hardware.
- If possible, own the building!
- If deadlines matter, add penalty clauses.
- Never trust a cleaning service around your switch cabinet.
And finally:
Pack a croissant, prepare for bureaucracy, and keep your sense of humor. Paris will test it.
See you next time atop the rooftops, in the basements, and everywhere IT chaos reigns.
Cheers!
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